


superhero shitposts

by N_Is_For_Knowledge



Series: shooting star arc [1]
Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: Alternate Universe - Transcendence (Gravity Falls), Crushes, Gen, HAPPY BIRTHDAY DIPPER AND MABEL!, Identity Porn, Pining, Secret Identity, Social Media, Superheroes, Texting, Twitter, a phrase which here means "the concept of a secret identity is exploited for maximum shenanigans", except it's clucker cause alternate universe media, i promise im working on a proper origin fic for phoebe but in the meantime have this, this does not contain mabel or birthday but it does contain dipper
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-01
Updated: 2020-09-01
Packaged: 2021-03-06 22:00:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,439
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26226046
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/N_Is_For_Knowledge/pseuds/N_Is_For_Knowledge
Summary: "phoebe: RIA SAID I WAS PRETTYphoebe: I MEAN SHOOTING STAR ME NOT ME ME BUT !!!!!!!dipdots: phoebe you are shooting star. phoebe and shooting star are the same person are you sure you’re thinking straight"Shooting Star and the Comet conduct an AMA, Phoebe really needs to get off her phone, Ria's hero worship is getting a little unhealthy, and Dipper's just along for the ride.
Relationships: Alcor the Dreambender & Mizar the Gleeful, Alcor the Dreambender & Phoebe Patzner, Phoebe Patzner/Gloria Hall
Series: shooting star arc [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1963981
Comments: 7
Kudos: 53





	superhero shitposts

**Author's Note:**

> inspired by this: https://transcendence-au.tumblr.com/post/614973057987231744/how-about-a-superhero-mizar-with-alcor-as-her and this: https://transcendence-au.tumblr.com/post/137349387678/superheromizar-for-readalie-from-deathstricken
> 
> i promise i will make an actual originfic for phoebe im working on it

**we fight crime i guess ✔️**

_ @s-star-and-the-comet _

hi! we’re shooting star (🌟, she/her) and the comet (☄️, he/him or they/them)! protecting asherville from crime (and the, quite frankly, surprising number of supervillains)

4 following 25.2K followers

***********************

**phoebe✨**

_ @ppatzner _

i am literally just vibing. expect posts about the nightjar residence

9 following 32 followers

***********************

**Alcor the Dreambender**

_ @alcor-official-618 _

yes. really. that alcor. (no i will not accept any alcorian myth cycle rp invites please fuck off and stop asking)

5 following 1.2M followers

***********************

**ria hall**

_ @glowstickgloria _

she/her or they/them, stan shooting star (and comet i guess)

17 following 56 followers

***********************

**Shooting Star Watch ✔️**

_ @sswatch _

Official news about Asherville’s superhero duo, Shooting Star and The Comet!

12 following 23.5K followers

***********************

**Alcor the Dreambender** _ @alcor-official-618  _

anyway stan sheep they are soft and kind

**Alcor the Dreambender** _ @alcor-official-618 _

actually do not one just fucking headbutted me in the nose

> **ken** _ @kenkennedy _

Remind me why Alcor the Dreambender, one of the blood thirstiest demons in the history of ever, is allowed a Clucker account?

>> **blegh… words** _ @septsmith _

because it’s obviously not actually alcor. it’s a fucking shitpost account. how many times must i reiterate this, ken

***********************

**Shooting Star Watch** _ @sswatch ✔️ _

Battle between Shooting Star and supervillain Rampage at the Gertrudis-Banway intersection! Stay safe and stay away from there. Or don’t. I won’t be liable for your hospital fees.

> **ava (currently taking commissions!)** _ @avily _

am i the only one who wants to move to asherville bc of stuff like this?

>> **Shooting Star Watch** _ @sswatch ✔️ _

Please don’t.

> **stan shooting star for clear skin** _ @nat-nat-nat  _

wow who knew sswatch had snark?

***********************

**|private chat- dipdots & phoebe|**

**_dipdots:_ ** bee did you go out as shooting star during ur lunch break again

**_phoebe:_ ** no! i did not! i swear!

**_dipdots:_ ** believe it or not, the multiple exclamation marks just make me doubt you more

**_phoebe:_ ** ok fine i did im sorry

**_dipdots:_ ** bee the whole reason you made me ur sidekick in the first place was so i could keep an eye on you and make sure ur safe

**_phoebe:_ ** come on dip crime doesn't wait until school’s out and my homework’s done

**_dipdots:_ ** im not saying that it does! if something important happens, even during school, you can totally leave

**_dipdots:_ ** but school’s important too, and ppl will start getting suspicious if you keep showing up late

**_dipdots:_ ** and if something important happens- like “if i dont deal w this people will die” important- call me before you go out? say my name or text me or tug on the soul bond or anything

**_phoebe:_ ** okay

***********************

**we fight crime i guess** _ @s-star-and-the-comet  _ **✔️**

we’re doing an ama!! tag your questions with  _ #askstarandcomet  _ and we’ll try to answer as many as we can!

***********************

**ava (currently taking commissions!)** _ @avily _

who’s taller?  _ #askstarandcomet  _

> **we fight crime i guess** _ @s-star-and-the-comet  _ **✔️**

me. - ☄️

comet claims he’s taller, but the truth is that his hair is so floofy it adds three inches to his height. if you smoosh it down, i’m two inches taller. - 🌟

hair counts! - ☄️

HAIR DOES NOT COUNT. - 🌟

***********************

**they’re in love you guys!!** _ @starmet_stan _

it’s time for the truth to come out: is shooting star/comet canon?  _ #askstarandcomet _

> **we fight crime i guess** _ @s-star-and-the-comet  _ **✔️**

that’s a genuine thing people ship? no! we’re not together! yuck! - 🌟

it’s not happening, it’s never going to happen. i thought the internet had stopped shipping two people just because they’re friends around two thousand years ago, but nope. excuse me while i throw up for eight hours straight - ☄️

***********************

**ria hall** _ @glowstickgloria  _

be gay do crimes?  _ #askstarandcomet _

> **we fight crime i guess** _ @s-star-and-the-comet  _ **✔️**

i mastered archery for a reason. - ☄️

be gay fight crime. encouraging people to do crime is kind of against the whole “role model” thing. - 🌟

***********************

**fin** _ @finleyk _

comet, if you mastered archery… would you say you’re an… “arrow ace”? *intensive eyebrow wiggling*  _ #askstarandcomet _

> **we fight crime i guess** _ @s-star-and-the-comet  _ **✔️**

heck yeah! arrow ace aroace baybie - ☄️

>> **umi** _ @umizoomi _

imagine being a public figure and coming out to the world with a dumb pun… we stan

***********************

**i am but a tiny chidl** _ @cdcarmen _

Pineapple on pizza?  _ #askstarandcomet  _

> **we fight crime i guess** _ @s-star-and-the-comet  _ **✔️**

NO. - ☄️

it’s good! - 🌟

don’t trust her. star’s feeding you lies. - ☄️

***********************

**|private chat- phoebe & ria|**

**_ria:_ ** phoebe get off your phone and pay attention

**_phoebe:_ ** sorry sorry

**_ria:_ ** why are you on clucker?

**_ria:_ ** i know it’s really cool that shooting star’s doing an ama but your geometry grades are more important

**_phoebe:_ ** i love how u just assumed it was that. not everyone is as obsessed with ss as you

**_phoebe:_ ** WAIT

**_phoebe:_ ** ur on ur phone too! u can’t tell me to get off my phone when ur on ur phone hypocrite

**_ria:_ ** at least im more subtle about it than you, ms staring-intently-downwards-and-typing-under-the-table

**_ria:_ ** i love you but you need to stop clucking in class

**_ria:_ ** phoebe?

**_ria:_ ** you’re still on your phone are you just gonna ignore me?

***********************

**|private chat- dipdots & phoebe|**

**_phoebe:_ ** AAAAAAAAAAAAA

**_dipdots:_ ** what?

**_phoebe:_ ** RIAA

**_phoebe:_ ** SHE SAID SHE LOEVD ME

**_phoebe:_ ** *LVOED

**_phoebe:_ ** *LEAVED

**_phoebe:_ ** *LOVED

**_dipdots:_ ** i’ve dealt with nearly two thousand years of children crying to me about their crushes. lay it on me. why can’t you just tell her?

**_phoebe:_ ** she’s like my only non-you actual friend! i don’t want things to get awkward if she doesn’t feel the same way

**_dipdots:_ ** and on the off chance that she does?

**_phoebe:_ ** even if she does, and we start dating or something, she’ll be in a lot of danger! if some supervillains find out my identity she’ll be first on the list of people they torture

**_dipdots:_ ** things all superheroes say: “oh it’s too dangerous!! i can’t let myself be happy and have a personal life and friends!!”

**_dipdots:_ ** come on bee you’re a literal superhero i’m a literal demon and gloria’s amazing at slamming heavy objects onto sensitive regions i think she’s safe

**_phoebe:_ ** i don’t know about that but

**_phoebe:_ ** shit teacher gotta go bye

**_dipdots:_ ** have fun in geometry 

***********************

**we fight crime i guess** _ @s-star-and-the-comet  _ **✔️**

and that’s a wrap on the ama! thanks everyone for sending in your questions. who knows, maybe we’ll do another one v soon?

***********************

**ria hall** _ @glowstickgloria _

i cannot believe shooting star and the comet actually answered my dumb memey question

> **phoebe✨** _ @ppatzner _

ria... sweetie… it’s called an “ask me anything” for a reason

>> **ria hall** _ @glowstickgloria _

i know its just… Shooting Star… the Icon… the Amazing… the Pretty As Fuck

>>> **phoebe✨** _ @ppatzner _

you really need to stop with the hero worship ria i mean i appreciate the way ss saves our city of residence on a daily basis but this is too much

***********************

**|private chat- dipdots & phoebe|**

**_phoebe:_ ** RIA SAID I WAS PRETTY

**_phoebe:_ ** I MEAN SHOOTING STAR ME NOT ME ME BUT !!!!!!!

**_dipdots:_ ** phoebe you are shooting star. phoebe and shooting star are the same person are you sure you’re thinking straight

**_phoebe:_ ** NO I AM THINKING THE OPPOSITE OF STRAIGHT GET WITH THE PROGRAM

**_dipdots:_ ** in retrospect that was maybe not the best choice of wording

***********************

**Alcor the Dreambender** _ @alcor-official-618  _

tfw ur only friend has a gay crisis and you don’t know how to respond so you just kinda sit there

> **vidya** _ @vidyavids _

hi what the fuck does “tfw” mean? is it some weird demon slang? do demons have slang?

>> **Dan B.** _ @dan_bernat _

Hi! “TFW” is actually an acronym that stands for “that feel when”. “That feel when” is Transcendence-era (specifically 2010s to 2040s) slang for “how you feel when”. Strangely, in cases I’ve seen, “that feel when” is more often used as a setup for a meme than an actual conversation shortener (yes, memes existed in the 2010s) . It’s really nice to see that the creator of this clucker has done their research regarding Transcendence-era culture!

***********************

**|private chat- dipdots & phoebe|**

**_phoebe:_ ** why are you using my suffering for internet clout?

**_dipdots:_ ** no texting in class bee

**_phoebe:_ ** its ok i’m in passing period

**_phoebe:_ ** wait

**_phoebe:_ ** am i really your only friend?

**_dipdots:_ ** well yeah you’re the only person i talk to

**_phoebe:_ ** …

**_phoebe:_ ** am i ur coolest friend?

**_dipdots:_ ** no

**_phoebe:_ ** aw

**_dipdots:_ ** but you’re the first superhero i’ve ever met so you’re in at least the top fifty

**_phoebe:_ ** hell yeah

**_phoebe:_ ** wait top fifty?

**_dipdots:_ ** ive met a lot of people in two thousand years! top fifty is an honor!

**_phoebe:_ ** sounds fake but ok

**_phoebe:_ ** class is starting gotta go

**_phoebe:_ ** bye! love you 

**_dipdots:_ ** bye

**_dipdots:_ ** love u too

  
  



End file.
